It would be fair to say that I talk for a living. I recognised so much of myself in this it isn't funny...
There are many I could add, both observed and used, but I shall restrict myself to the following:
"To be honest"= I'm lying through my teeth
"That's delicious, you must give me the recipe" = ...so I know how to avoid making the same ghastly culinary mistake
"I'll call you later" = enjoy the rest of your life
"Sorry I'm a little late" = how dare you start without me
"I beg your pardon" = I can't believe you have just been so stupid as to say that
"I'm not technical" = I have a degree in astrophysics but I'm not going to let on
"Who's your tailor?" = the man should be shot
"I'm really glad you asked that" = bollocks, you've spotted the weak point in my argument
"See you soon, I hope" = enjoy the rest of your life
and finally:
"Did you have a nice holiday?" = what disaster befell you on your travels that I can have a good laugh at?
See? It's really quite simple.
A special note to our friends in the US - the worst thing you can do to an Englishman of a certain type is to exhort him to "have a nice day" - it comes across as dripping with special-recipe insincerity.
A recent development here has been for waiters to ask "what are you doing with the rest of your day/evening?" to fill the silence while your credit card details are communicated via bluetooth and modem to the card issuer. I have taken to responding "Well, we need to buy a goat to sacrifice tonight - any suggestions?" or "We're off to scatter my aunt's ashes at the local swimming baths".
All part of life's rich pattern