Dog Vs Cat.... A day in the life

Discussion in 'The Watering Hole' started by Hauki, Dec 3, 2011.

  1. Hauki

    Hauki SC Regular

    58
    Dec 2, 2011
    Somerset, England
    Dog Vs Cat.... A day in the life

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    The Dog's Diary:

    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

    12:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

    5:00 pm - Dinner! My favorite thing!

    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

    ------------------------------------------

    The Cat's Diary:

    Day 983 of my captivity.

    My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates my capabilities. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Jerks!

    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow, but at the top of the stairs.

    I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released, and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird must be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.
    :biggrin:
     
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  2. Luke

    Luke Super Moderator Moderator Subscribing Member

    Nov 11, 2011
    Milwaukee, WI USA
    Real Name:
    Luke
    Your writing is brilliant. Made my day!

    I'd like to expand this idea into a book....with photographs. Pet lovers spend too much on pet-related items. We'll get rich!
     
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  3. christilou

    christilou SC Hall of Famer S.C. Charter Member

    Jul 13, 2010
    Sunny Frimley
  4. Hauki

    Hauki SC Regular

    58
    Dec 2, 2011
    Somerset, England
    Thanks for the link christilou,
    and so true :laugh1:
     
  5. HeatherTheVet

    HeatherTheVet SC All-Pro

    Apr 23, 2011
    Scotland
    Real Name:
    Heather
    I've just had an epic battle of the dog vs vet variety so my sense of humour is somewhat dimmed. However I am much cheered by the thought that I will pass the bitey little b. on to one of my colleagues. Humour restored!
     
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  6. kathyh

    kathyh SC Top Veteran S.C. Charter Member

    734
    Jul 13, 2010
    Ottawa, Canada
    Real Name:
    Kathy
    Thanks Hauki and Christlou. Made my day.
     
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  7. Will

    Will SC All-Pro

    Aug 30, 2010
    England
    Lovely writing Hauki

    A personal cat story

    My kind loving little tabby cat once needed to have a blood sample taken due to speculation that she may have feline aids. I warned the vet that they were unlikely to be successful in such a foolhardy venture but they proceeded to wrap Widget, upside down, in a thick towel and with the vets assistant holding on tight the vet approached with the needle. I suggested that the assistant might want to move her face further from the patient but I was patronisingly dismissed with the fateful words "it's Ok we've done this many times before". Not with Widget I thought to myself. Nobody is quite sure what happened next because it all happened so fast that it wasn't visible to the human eye. Suffice to say that there was what looked like the merest shift of position by the cat and blood started gushing from the assistants nose. No cat blood ever got into the syringe!
    Widget, being a cat, proceeded confound the vets dire predictions and lived happily another eight years or so. Turned out she only had a tooth infection, as discovered by a more experienced vet!

    [​IMG]
    Cat2 by meaning_of_light, on Flickr
     
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  8. christilou

    christilou SC Hall of Famer S.C. Charter Member

    Jul 13, 2010
    Sunny Frimley
    The look in her eye in this photo confirms all that you've said :biggrin:
     
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  9. snkenai

    snkenai SC All-Pro

    Oct 5, 2010
    kenai, AK
    Real Name:
    Stephen Noel
    Read this one to wife, while laughing, wiping eyes and nose of excess body fluids.
     
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  10. stillshunter

    stillshunter Super Moderator Emeritus

    Nov 5, 2010
    Down Under
    Real Name:
    Mark
    Thank you so much Hauki. Owning both species as well I not only related, but could not stop laughing. Excellent turn of phrase you have there my friend. Please keep up the writing and sharing...
     
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  11. thekeddi

    thekeddi SC Top Veteran

    539
    Aug 15, 2011
    South Australia
    Hahahaha very funny and So true!!!!
     
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  12. tylerjones553

    tylerjones553 New to SC

    2
    Jan 4, 2012
    That is so funny really like the Dog Dairy it's so Hilarious