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Going to a funeral.

Discussion in 'The Watering Hole' started by TraamisVOS, Feb 17, 2013.

  1. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    Just got the news earlier this evening. The funeral is not tomorrow but the day after.

    Was advised: "People have been advised not to wear total black to the service."

    I have a business suit that is very, very dark blue. When I bought the suit a month ago, salesman said it may not be black but you can still wear this to funerals.

    Would this be appropriate since it's not 'total black', or should I be wearing a grey suit or something that is clearly not black?

    It's going to be an emotionally-charged funeral for me for a number of reasons but I am not going to let it show one bit.
     
  2. Briar

    Briar SC All-Pro

    Oct 27, 2010
    Scotland
    Karen
    Sorry about your loss James. I wouldn't fret too much about what to wear at the funeral. More important that you are there, to show that the person mattered to you.

    I'd think the "not to wear total black" means that you have not to wear black shirt, black tie, black suit and so on altogether. Your suit sounds fine. A black suit and white shrt would be fine too.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  3. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    Thank you.

    In that case the only thing I can do really, is wear a white shirt or off-white shirt and a non-black tie. And the very very dark blue suit I have.
     
  4. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    Looking at the weather forecast it's going to rain on the day. It's going to be a very long drive.
     
  5. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    I just realised my favourite photo that I happened to take on the day this person died, was this one:

    8457862316_b1ec094b25_c.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Briar

    Briar SC All-Pro

    Oct 27, 2010
    Scotland
    Karen
    Have you got someone to go with you?
     
  7. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    No I don't. There's a long history.
     
  8. Isoterica

    Isoterica SC Hall of Famer

    Dec 6, 2011
    Sorry for your loss James and-- your photo.. I can feel the connection. My suggestion would be to wear your suit, lighten it up with your shirt and a more vibrant tie and you can always take your jacket off and drape it on your arm or a chair when you are there to break up the darkness of your attire. Above all don't worry. Everyone fumbles through these things.. your being there is what truly matters.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  9. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    Yeah I was thinking, I do have a couple of bright ties I can wear. I'm just not sure what the etiquette is, I don't want it to look too bright.
     
  10. Briar

    Briar SC All-Pro

    Oct 27, 2010
    Scotland
    Karen
    Stay safe on the drive there. Leave early and take your time.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. Luke

    Luke Super Moderator

    Nov 11, 2011
    Milwaukee, WI USA
    Luke
    Sorry for your loss James. I think a bright tie would be very nice. I'm sure the departed wouldn't want everyone to be sullen. Mourn their passing for sure, but celebrate their life as well.

    And I wouldn't waste an ounce of energy trying to cover your emotion. Let it all out. You'll feel better for it. Just my 2 cents. I love the photo, btw.
     
  12. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    Thanks.

    No I can't show myself in this one. There is a long history.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  13. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    It's 5am here, I better try and see if I can sleep. I have to get up in a couple of hours for work.
     
  14. Briar

    Briar SC All-Pro

    Oct 27, 2010
    Scotland
    Karen
    Take care James. Try and get some sleep. Sounds like you have a lot of emotions to deal with. If in any way we can help, just say.

    Karen
     
  15. Gary

    Gary SC All-Pro

    Aug 19, 2012
    Southern California
    Gary Ayala
    My condolences James. I suggest a white shirt w/a spot of color in the tie. You'll be appropriate. Very interesting image as a photo and a memorial.

    Gary
     
  16. kyteflyer

    kyteflyer ~@¿@~

    Jan 31, 2011
    Newcastle, Australia
    Sue
    James I am so sorry for your loss. The suit and tie will be fine. Please be safe.
     
  17. HeatherTheVet

    HeatherTheVet SC All-Pro

    Apr 23, 2011
    Scotland
    Heather
    Yeah, the suit and light coloured shirt with brightish tie combo sounds like the best plan. The good thing about ties is you can take a different one in your pocket for last minute changes if you're really worried about it.

    I increasingly realise that no-one has the answer and everyone is just trying to get through as best they can. Take care, James.
     
  18. Archiver

    Archiver SC Top Veteran

    618
    Jul 11, 2010
    Melbourne, Australia
    My condolences, James. I hope things go well for you. The dark blue suit sounds fine; I've been to funerals where people were wearing mid blue pinstripe suits, others were wearing black jackets and neat black jeans. No one batted an eyelid. The intention is to honour the deceased and blend into the background.
     
  19. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    Thanks for your support everyone, I misinterpreted the thing about 'total black', I thought it to mean 'no black whatsoever' but clearly that's not what it meant.
     
  20. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    The funeral was today, it turned out to be a lot more difficult to get through than I expected. I'm completely down in the dumps right now. It is the end of one significant chapter in my life.