Something to keep you thinking!

Discussion in 'The Watering Hole' started by Hauki, Jan 14, 2012.

  1. Hauki

    Hauki SC Regular

    Dec 2, 2011
    Somerset, England
    Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are flat?

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

    Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they know there is not enough?

    Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

    Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'?

    What is the speed of darkness?

    Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up every two hours?

    If the temperature is zero outside today and it's going to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold will it be?

    Do married people live longer than single ones or does it only seem longer?

    How is it that we put a man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

    Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?

    Why do toasters always have a setting so high that could burn the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their bum when they ask where the bathroom is?

    Why does your Gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to examine you anyway?

    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Why does the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Stop singing and read on......

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

    What did the man who invented the drawing board go back to when he made a mistake

    • Like Like x 6
  2. TraamisVOS

    TraamisVOS SC Hall of Famer

    Nov 29, 2010
    Melboune, Australia
    Let me try.

    Because there's less power available from a weak battery so pressing harder helps the weak signal get through.

    Yes because the CPU driving the elevator thinks that it has more passengers and so it uses more power to drive the elevator, resulting in a faster ride.

    Because they're banks.

    Because we can't dip our finger into the universe to confirm the statement, but we can dip our finger into wet paint.

    Someone who has never had a lipth.

    Roughly the speed of a freezer (see below).

    Someone who has never had a baby. Or a sense of time.

    Doesn't matter, still too cold to cause this: george costanza - i was in the pool - YouTube

    I have zero experience with this.

    Because the Russians didn't give a flying rat's about luggage.

    To feed the primal peeping tom in all of us.

    That is actually a good question.

    Because they did not account for the one place where the speed of darkness is faster than the speed of light.

    Because it would so easily be misinterpreted as a request for something else altogether.

    Because they're going up to the roof of the building across the street and peeping at you through a pair of binoculars through the window to watch you undress.

    Well, it's like asking why apes walk on all fours when humans walk upright. One is more evolved than the other.


    Sea lion pups.

    I like this one.


    Yes especially if there is E in it. Coli.

    Because the Earth's breath doesn't smell of alcohol.

    A good glass of shiraz.
    • Like Like x 3
  3. Will

    Will SC All-Pro

    Aug 30, 2010
    Dark is slightly faster than light because, however fast light travels somewhere, it always finds dark waiting for it when it gets there.
    • Like Like x 1
  4. kyteflyer

    kyteflyer ~@¿@~

    Jan 31, 2011
    Newcastle, Australia
    Real Name:
    Can I add one?

    If you pull the wings off a fly, does it become a walk?
    • Like Like x 1
  5. snkenai

    snkenai SC All-Pro

    Oct 5, 2010
    kenai, AK
    Real Name:
    Stephen Noel
    This thread is slight moronic, but it gave me a chuckle, which I needed, because the wife is out of town for the night - and day.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. Luke

    Luke Super Moderator

    Nov 11, 2011
    Milwaukee, WI USA
    Real Name:
    I'll add one too. If you put a roast into a roaster, what do you put in a toaster?
    • Like Like x 1
  7. BBW

    BBW Administrator Emeritus

    Jul 7, 2010
    betwixt and between
    Real Name:
    Yes, Steve, it is slightly moronic but I got a few chuckles as well as a few raised eyebrows.:wink:
  8. Phoenix

    Phoenix SC Top Veteran

    Dec 28, 2011
    Melbourne, Australia
    Real Name:
    Phoenix Gonzales
    I guess for the same reason Donald duck wears a towel around his waist after a shower but doesnt wear any pants.

    Some compelling questions from G. Carlin that still remains unanswered...
    If fire fighters fight fire and crime fighters fight crime, what do freedom fighters fight?
    If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?
    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
    • Like Like x 3
  9. Penny

    Penny SC Veteran

    Aug 26, 2010
    Outside Liverpool Uk
    I have just read in my daily newspaper that 'Laughter is the best medicine' which I already knew; and the above has given me my daily dose.....
    • Like Like x 3